Technology, Top News

INQ’s letters to Santa


The INQUIRER is 16-years-old and we have been very nice this year. Well, most of the time.

We have seen record-breaking traffic figures and have worked tirelessly to bring our readers all of the biggest stories in technology this year from the WannaCry attack and the Snoopers Charter (turns out the government, just like you Santa, also know when we are sleeping), and we hope we have made it off of the naughty list.

For Christmas, please bring us… 

Editor, Carly Page

This year, Santa, I would really like an Apple Watch 3. I’ve never really liked wearables, but the Apple Watch 3 is very good because it comes LTE connectivity. I’m sure you know this already Santa, but this is good because it means I don’t have to take my phone everywhere! I can go for a run and the Apple Watch 3 will track my steps, I can make phone calls like using it like that man from Knightrider and I can order a taxi when my phone runs out of battery after I’ve had one too many beers milks. 

I hope you and the Reindeer enjoy the pile of promotional USB sticks I’ll be leaving out for you on Christmas Eve!

Associate editor, Chris Merriman

As I have mostly spelleded all the words right and not annoyed Microsoft too much, I would really like a Smarter Coffee Machine 2. When I first heard about it, I thought it was stoopid, but now I realise that anything that I can set to make me 12 cups of coffee when I wake up based on when I surface, not on a timer, is a good thing, especially in this job and I’d also like it if people would stop sending me cheap headphones to review, they’re almost all rubbish. Also a Nintendo Switch as all the other kids at INQ has got one and I want to play Mario with the Rabbits that fart. If there’s any room left in my stocking, I’d also like a vintage arcade cocktail table. I have made my stocking extra big this year by wearing it as a t-shirt and then eating more. 

ps – On that subject – sorry there is no mince pies or sherry. I like mince pies and I like sherry and one thing led to another. Unsurprisingly, the carrot for the reindeer are still there, so feel free to share. I’m off to bed now. I feel a bit peculiar and I just burped mincemeat.

Contributing editor, Roland Moore-Colyer

Mr S Claus, it has come to my attention that you are a gentleman of means, resources and have access to a cohort of rare flying reindeer.

As such, I herein enclose a request for the following item, should you deem my behaviour this year to be of an acceptable quality.

It is my wish to be the proud owner of an Xbox One X as I currently have an unseemly gap in my games console collection, and would rather like to experience the pixel pushing capabilities of the machine.

Though I am aware that the line up of games fettered with the 4K and HDR treatment is but slim at the time of writing, I am hopeful that Microsoft finest will see fit to push out more visually sumptuous slices of interactive entertainment in the new fiscal year.

Should you acquiesce to my request I would be most grateful and would be sure to reward you with the traditional mince pie and perhaps a cherry from my personal stock.

I look forward to hearing from you and hope that we can work together on this project.

PS. Access to the building is via buzzer not chimney entry. Sled parking is not permitted. Photo ID is required up visitation. µ

Source : Inquirer

Previous ArticleNext Article
Founder and Editor-in-Chief of 'Professional Hackers India'. Technology Evangelist, Security Analyst, Cyber Security Expert, PHP Developer and Part time hacker.