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Smartphones could be the key to Satan’s return to rule the earth

WELL THAT’S JUST great isn’t it. We leave you alone for five minutes playing Candy Crush, and what do you do? You summon the flipping antichrist.

That is, at least if Patriarch Kirill, the head of the Russian Orthodox Church is accurate.

In an interview shown earlier this week on Russian State television, Papa Killjoy explained that smartphones are, effectively, the devil’s work and that their power is a foreshadowing of the return of ol’ Scarlet Hiney.

“Control from one point is a foreshadowing of the coming of Antichrist, if we talk about the Christian view. Antichrist is the person who will be at the head of the world wide web that controls the entire human race,” he explains echoing something we said about Alexa a while ago.

This is the country that has Vladimir Putin leading it, by the way.

Kirill argues that the ability to be omnipotent, that is to see what someone is up to, where they are and everything they love and hate, is pretty much what’s expected of an antichrist and that we could fall into slavery at the behest of these machines.

Someone hasn’t explained to him that the phone is simply the killing jar here and that Google (or whomever) doesn’t actually live in the device.

And yes, in case you thought he might have forgotten, it “could” lead to an apocalypse, which we thought was important to get across, in case you have any weekend plans.

“Every time you use your gadget, whether you like it or not, whether you turn on your location or not, somebody can find out exactly where you are, exactly what your interests are and exactly what you are scared of” he adds.

Though he could have just been referring to his own Tinder profile.

The interview took place on Epiphany, the night when the rest of the world takes down its decorations, but the holiest night in the Orthodox calendar.

If you want to know more, there are dozens of Orthodox Christian apps in the Google Play Store. And we’re not even joking. μ

Source : Inquirer

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